CONFESSION:
Today was the first time in months that I sat down and wrote a love letter. Life has been a bit sad, a bit dark, and a bit overwhelming lately and without even realizing it, I stopped writing. I stopped sharing my heart. I stopped loving in the way I like to love most.
So, to celebrate the moment of opening my heart again to my love letter writing practice, I went to a cozy spot, ordered something warm and yummy, and let the words flow right on out of me. It wasn’t easy at first, I felt guarded. I felt almost like I needed to protect my heart from the feelings I was about to feel, but with a little grace and a lot of love, my words came flooding out of me.
It’s funny how sometimes we have a tendency to hold things in or bottle things up and hide them away as if they don’t even exist. The mentality that, if I can’t feel it then it isn’t there. Does anyone else do this? That’s where I have been for months. With the death of my grandmother, my mother being in the hospital for a few weeks, and being pregnant through it all, I went into survival mode and for me that means hibernation. No feelings coming out or going in.
This. Is. Not. A. Healthy. Place.
As a friend once told me, “Its fine if you are in a hole, but don’t decorate it, you don’t live there.” Gosh, that is just the best advice EVER.
As I have begun to climb out of this hole I swear I was about to start decorating, I realized that man o’ man, I needed some major reflection time. Weeks went by before I gave myself permission to do this. I kept telling myself that I would deal with it tomorrow and before I knew it, tomorrow turned into almost a month. Listen, I am all about grace, but this girl needed a plan, swift kick in the tail feathers, and some ding dang motivation.
PLAN:
1) Self love in the form of movement and diet - get off the couch and put down the marshmallows.
2) WRITE! - This is the ticket for me! I needed to write. Just start. Just start. Just pick up the pen and START!
3) Write love letters - Well, friends this is where I stumbled and procrastinated and distracted myself into doing anything else. This was the real work. This was the heart work that I needed so so badly, and today, after the weeks of stalling, I wrote my first love letter.
It wasn’t effortless. It took me several tries to my words right. To find the words I truly wanted to express to the world and to shout into the void. However, with a little bit of patience they came and I find myself sitting here, wondering why I waited so long. Why did I put off doing the things that I know would heal and help?
I wish I had answers to these questions, but for now, I leave you with the words I shared in the first love letter I have dropped in months:
Dear Friend,
Every season is meant to teach us something new. The lessons might not always be clear. They might not always be perfectly tied up with a bow easy for us to understand. Instead, they might be hidden in the muddy hole, and we might have to get a little dirty to find them. However they may come, these lessons we are given are each there like a treasure for our hearts and souls to use in order to keep moving us forward. Don’t be fearful of anything that is to come. It is all shaping us into the people we are meant to become. Be grateful for each experience and fill your heart to the brim with the love and life that is still to come.
xoxo,
Nicole Ahr
Founder - The Love Letter Library